OCT 13 2019 | Son of Anarchy S1E3 | This Is Your Brain On Rage

Sea Change Church · Son of Anarchy · "This Is Your Brain On Rage" Pastor Adam Stadtmiller · October 13, 2019
Automated transcript. Not reviewed for accuracy.

Wow. We're so blessed to be a part of this community and have a worship team that can just bring heaven and earth together so fast. Thank you so much. Wow, wow, wow, wow. My name is Kimberly Davis. I am one of the Bible teachers at this church. My husband, my darling husband, David, and I are part of the communion team, the prayer team, the building, whatever team they need. We're all in. We're Team La Jolla. We are in the book of Samuel. And the scripture this morning is 2 Samuel 13, 23 through 29. Two years later, when Absalom's sheep shearers were at Baal Hazor near the border of Ephraim, he invited all the king's sons to come there. Absalom went to the king and said, your servant, your servant has had shears come. Will the king and his attendants please join me? No, my son, the king replied. All of us should not go. We would only be a burden to you. Although Absalom urged him, he still refused to go, but gave him his blessing.

Then Absalom said, if not, please let my brother Amnon come with us. The king asked him, why should he go with you? But Absalom urged him. So he sent him with Amnon and the rest of the king's sons. Absalom ordered his men, listen. When Amnon is high in spirits from drinking wine, and I say to you, strike Amnon down, then kill him. Don't be afraid. Haven't I given you this order? Be strong and brave. So Absalom's men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered. Then all the king's sons got up, mounted their mules, and fled. The word of the Lord.

Let's pray. Lord God, I personally love your word. I love the Bible. Love it. Love the truth of the word. I love how it's there when I need it. It's there when I don't feel like I do. And we need it today. We want to hear from you. We're in different places today. Some of us are high on the mountain. Although us are continuing to walk through the valley of the shadow, but in the midst of that, God, you are good and your word is powerful.

God, we want to hear from you today. I pray that you would just increase the gifting, any gifting you've given me to speak, and let the word of God ride upon the transcendence of the Holy Spirit into the heart. So those that would hear, that you would give words and revelations deep within our hearts and our souls. And so we want more of you in the name of the Father, Son, and the Spirit. Amen. All right. Bless you. Hey, we are in the son of anarchy.

Series. And we're talking about David, David's family and the consequences that have come from his encounter with Bathsheba and the sin. We said last week that God is not causing these things to happen, but God is allowing things to happen and has chosen to not stop some of the consequences that have happened. And we talked about why some of those consequences have happened. and a lot of it has to do with the dysfunctionality in the family of David.

This model of David's family, a lot of us will relate to, and it is probably one of the most well-known dysfunctional families in all of history. I mean, these guys could go on Maury back in the 90s, you know what I'm saying? Nobody knows what Maury Povich is? Everybody watch that? Okay, yeah, right around. I mean, it is just some of the worst things that we see happen. And in this story, obviously, we see that there's a lot of anger going on.

And we see that the seed of anger has found root in the house of David. Now, anger is something that David understood. He was a furious man, and his son was furious as well. Last week, we talked about some other things in our families that caused the breakup of the family, or at least caused dysfunction in the family. And we really want to be a practical church. I am seeking to be one of the most practical churches that I know of, maybe in the world, where on Wednesday, you're still harvesting things from the worship, things from the message.

And so, last week, we talked about the minimization that happens in family. Absalom, obviously, after his wife, or excuse me, his sister, is raped by Amnon, her half-brother. It is Absalom's full sister, Tamar. Absalom is incredibly upset. But he tells his sister, you know, don't take this thing to heart. Pretty bad advice, right? And anybody that's had sexual abuse, probably what they don't want to hear is, don't take this to heart.

The next thing that he does is, he says, don't say anything about it. And he doesn't say anything about it. And this is something that he learned growing up. David was a man that kept his thoughts to himself, and he never disciplined his children. It says that one of his other sons, who eventually tries to take the kingdom as well, that David had never spoke a word of correction to him. Even the slightest thing to say, why do you act like that?

And so, David obviously has these classic dysfunctional things happening in his family. The first is minimization of trauma. I want to make sure that if you've had trauma in your life, it's brought out into the light. And last week, we talked about how light is actually one of God's best disinfectants. I talked to a doctor this week who heard the sermon last week and said, actually, we're beginning to use more and more ultraviolet light in regard to healing infection.

And so, when we bring things out into the light in a healthy manner, God disinfects them and heals them. David and his family kept things hidden. One of the things you're going to see in dysfunctional families is we keep things hidden. We don't bring it out in the light. And the second one is the rule, don't talk about it. So, if you have something, don't bring it up. For fear of what? For fear of abandonment. For fear of consequence.

For fear of rage. And that's one of the next thing that we're talking about today is this other seed that was in the dysfunctionality of David's family. And maybe you recognize it in yours. It is rage. David has let rage and anger fester in his family. And it is eventually coming to roost. Now, rage and anger can actually function in two ways in a family. One, it can be incredibly violent. And you can see rage. And you have, that's one extreme.

The other is it gets really silent. It gets very quiet. Quiet. And then you have things like passive aggression. And things where rage and anger are deeply affecting the family, but they're unresolved. David's entire line has unresolved anger. And David has unresolved anger. And we talked about the reason for that is because he was a kid that was abandoned. He was basically orphaned. When Samuel goes to anoint the king in David's household, because Samuel was a prophet, who was told by God to go anoint the next king of Israel.

And he went to Jesse's family. And Jesse brought all of his sons there because he said, where are your sons? And Samuel looked over all the sons. And he said, none of these are them. Do you have anybody else? And they said, well, we, you know, Jesse says, well, I have this one son, but he's just out as a shepherd in the field. He's been left out in the field, abandoned. No one has ever spoken to him. Imagine the solitary figure of basically the family parties happen.

Thanksgiving happens. And you're not invited. Matter of fact, not only are you not invited, you're not even spoken to. You're not even disinvited. You're just nothing. This caused David to have this incredible rage. We want to make sure when we look at the Bible, one, we want to realize two things. One, that the people in the Bible are just human beings like us. We tend to make them these classic figures that have statues of them throughout Europe and different places in the world.

And we forget their humanity. The second thing is you could have been in the Bible. That God has used normal people, everyday people like you. And just because it was multiple thousands of years ago, we tend to lose the understanding that these people have very real problems. And it's easy to judge the things that David does based on, you know, making him some type of superhero, some distant superhero, but not realizing that we have these same problems.

The reason this is important is because we realize that the Bible has answers for us. Two things in your notes, if you'll see. The first is this about anger, and I want to hit these. Anger does not have the ability to resolve itself. Anger does not have a mission statement that says, I'm angry for a reason, and I am here to help resolve myself. And you can just ignore me or act out, and you'll become less angry, and I'll fix it.

I never met anybody who was a rager whose rage got less. Make sense? Do you know anybody that is a rager? I'm a surfer, and I go out to certain beaches, and you will see certain people that have issues with rage. And they have had issues for 30 years. Some of the guys I've seen at local breaks around here are the same guys that were screaming in 1986. That hasn't helped take away the rage. It doesn't resolve itself. The other thing that I've noticed is just because it gets silent doesn't mean that anger resolves itself, just because you don't see it.

They say that anger turned inside out or turned backwards turns into depression. Anger will find its way out. It will have its way. And one of the things that I want to share is that anger is definitely a companion. Anger is something God has given us to know when we've been wrong, to know when our boundaries have been offended. But anger is meant to have a resolution to it, and it will have a resolution one way or another, either in a healthy, godly way, as we'll see in a moment in the Scripture, or in an unhealthy way.

When I was a kid, I grew up on Mount Helix, not too far away, in La Mesa. I was a La Mesa kid, like Pastor Jim. And we had these cattails. And I don't know if you ever had cattails as a kid, but we used to have BB gun fights. I don't know. I don't want to ask you to raise your hand. We used to have literal BB gun fights with, like, no glasses or anything. Shoot BBs at each other. Like, you know, you weren't allowed to use a pellet gun.

But, I mean, you could have lost your eye. You know, like the movie, you know, the Christmas story that's going to be out soon? We literally did. Sorry, Mom. I don't know if you knew that. One day, complete non sequitur. One day, I had a pump. You could only do one pump. And you had to be, like, 30 feet away, like we were guessing. And my friend said, I dare you to do 10 pumps and shoot it into your toe. And I thought I could do it.

And so I did it and shot my big toe with a BB. I got to say, don't do that, okay? I broke my toe with a BB. We had these cattails. We would run through the forest. I remember not the forest, but up there through the hills. It was a great place to grow up. And we would run. And sometimes you would get a cattail in your socks because you'd run through that field, you know. And it would start burrowing in. We had a dog one time that went in.

And we actually, it got into its skin. And those things will continue to go deeper and deeper to the point where I believe we had to take him to the vet and have surgery to get this cattail out. Anger is the same way. Anger is, you're going to pick it up sometimes. Sometimes you won't even know that you picked it up. People have anger and they don't even know why they're angry. Met a person recently. They was at a concert.

And they said at the concert they started having these returning memories that they had never thought of before from their childhood. God has verses that you have all these interconnected thoughts and how we're all put together. Even scientists don't understand the human brain. Why we can recall what we recall. I was fascinated this week when I recalled something. And I thought, how does that work? Like, how does recall work in your brain?

It's just a bunch of gooey stuff up there. How does that work, you know, without God? The same thing with understanding these deep issues that are in our lives. God has to be the person who goes deep into the soul of a man and of a woman. Scripture says that, you know, like our rivers run deep, but God can sort them out. That God is the one who can understand. So some of us have these things that need to be resolved.

And like a burr, anger will find its way. Anger is a companion. But let me tell you that anger is not your friend. You do not want to befriend anger. It's just like alcohol. I was speaking to someone a couple weeks ago, and we were talking about alcohol. And I said to them, you know, alcohol is not your friend. It might be a companion. And there's nothing wrong with having alcohol as a companion. There's nothing wrong with a few beers at the game or a couple, whatever, 58 beers at the game.

No, I'm just kidding. But it's not, it could be a companion. And, you know, because we're not a teetotaling church that believes in no alcohol at all. But I want to say that alcohol is not your friend. And anger is not your friend. Anger, like alcohol, will take as much as you will give it. It has no boundary on what it will allow. It will go as far as you will allow and will ask you for more every single time. Those aren't the only two things of emotions that will do that if we don't work to resolve them.

And so with anger, one of the key things is identifying your anger. We'll talk about that at the end of the sermon. But then the ability to actually dive into your anger and figure out why. This is how God unwinds the knot in our lives. I had someone give me a word one time. And they came up and they were praying over me. I was at this really Pentecostal event. And if you don't hang out with Pentecostals ever, I encourage you to do it.

It's awesome, you know, just to put your foot in those waters. And they came up and started praying for me. The woman said, I saw this knot. And she said, I saw this like axe trying to hack away at this knot. And then she said, I saw these hands come and put the axe away. And these hands came and undid the knot slowly. And I just started like crying because thinking God cares enough to unwind the knot that is my life.

That God isn't just trying to hack through it. It was one of the most powerful words I've had. Also one that spoke to me in my own life. Are we willing to take the time to look at the knots in our lives and to ask God to help us sort out a knot? I am the worst guy to untangle an extension cord. I am not. This doesn't fix it. Maybe you're that person. Are you the person that sits down? You slowly. That's my wife. She will sit there and it'll be perfect.

I'm just pulling at it and yanking at it. Tend to do the same thing in my own life sometimes. And to give ourselves enough care to look at these things. Let's look at these two characters in the Bible quickly. What is healthy anger? This is really powerful. James 1 20 in your scripture. Some really key words here. This scripture says so much. Human anger. Which means if there's human anger then there's probably godly anger as well.

Does not produce the righteousness. Does not produce. Which means anger has the ability that anger produces. Anger is a factory. Anger produces. It has a production. What does it produce? It says human anger does not produce the what? The righteousness. Which means that anger has the ability to produce righteousness. Have you ever attached anger to righteousness? I never had until a few weeks ago. Where I realized where anger.

I've heard of righteous anger. God's righteous anger. But when I think about right. God's righteous anger. I think well he has a right to be angry because he's God. But I've never put it behind the word. Angry righteousness. It's a little bit different. Meaning that the results. Because God. If it's righteous anger. Then God has the right to be angry. Because he's God. But if it's angry righteousness. It doesn't mean the precursor to the anger.

It means what is the postscript to the anger. And that postscript says righteous actions or righteousness. Which means that godly anger. The production from the factory of godly anger. Moves towards righteousness. Great question. Does your anger move towards righteousness? Do you have a right to be angry? Which is righteous anger. If God's angry. Then you have a right to be angry about something. And does the acts of what you do.

With that crossroads of anger. Lead to righteousness. It's a very powerful thought. And very. And it's awesome to understand. That God. In dealing with anger. Wants us to move towards. I put four R's down here. And I don't think these are in your notes. But write these down. Sometimes my team gets those up there. But human anger does not produce the righteousness that God what? Desires. So God desires a righteous effect from your anger.

Here's four R's that I put. That anger. The postscript of anger should be. The first is repentance. Anger. God's anger. Anger is always looking for repentance. You realize that? God does not desire hell. God does not desire condemnation. God is not trying to get back. Even though he is due to get back. Whenever God has anger. It is a crossroads for him. To move towards repentance. Also with this. God is also never quick to rage.

It says the person who gives full vent to their anger. Is a fool. What is so interesting is. You. I don't know of anywhere in scripture. Even with Jesus in the temple. Where God immediately just has flash anger. Usually there's about 500 years of prophets that come. And basically say. Hey you need to get yourself together. Hey you need to fix this. Hey you need to stop doing it. Hey. You know I'm not really stoked on that false God you got over there.

I'm really bummed on it. Can we do that? If you don't do that. This is going to happen. Hey. This is going to happen. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. I'm screaming at you. Hey. Hey. Hey. And then eventually he's all enough is enough. Boom. God when he has anger. Doesn't have flash anger. One of the things that I said last week. Was. One of the things my father. Could have definitely worked on. Was. Having a careful response to discipline.

Thinking through. The discipline. Or how you carefully deal with something. I felt that some things that I really needed to be. You know. You know. Brought. You know. Taken behind the shed on. So to speak. It was just left unsaid. We just never talked about it. And then sometimes the smallest thing. Would have the biggest reaction ever. There wasn't like a careful response. And it says that. In the scripture. That if you spare the rod.

And spoil the child. It says if you spare the rod. You'll spoil the child. And then it says. Be what? Careful. In your discipline. This is so important. This. This ability. And when you're dealing with anger. To be careful. Are you careful? I had a conversation. This week. That I needed to have with somebody. And I thought I was completely right. I knew I was right. And I had so many zingers. That I just. I had it like.

You do this. And that. And you do this. And you do that. And I went over to Pete's. And I took an hour. And I. Because I remembered this scripture. About being careful. And I thought. You know what? I want to be really careful. Because I don't want more separation. So I went. And I literally. Took out a pad of paper. And I spent an hour. Diagramming my conversation. And I had some good ones. I just had old things. That they had done.

I had this. You know. The way I had been treated. And I kept thinking. Carefully. That's. That would be great. And that would be an awesome line. In a movie. Or a TV show. Like Friends. But I don't think it's going to produce. The result I want. So I had to keep asking myself. Why am I angry? What am I upset about? And this is a new thing for me. Learning how to deal with. With anger. Because I'm kind of one of the guys.

I'm not a rager. I've had two rages. In my life. That I know of. One was. I threw a surfboard on the ground. It was my surfboard. Which is stupid. You tend to break your own stuff. When you're angry. And the. The other one was. I threw a. I say it's a plum. My wife and I have an argument. And I turned around. And threw a plum at the wall. My wife says it's a peach. So we have this argument now. And for like 10 years.

We keep finding little pieces. On the ceiling. I'm like hey. Remember when I threw that thing? There it is. Whatever. So I decided. I just wanted to be careful. And so in this conversation. I sat. And I diagrammed this conversation. For about an hour. And in the end. I knew exactly. What hurt. And that's key. When you're angry. What hurt. Because anger is oftentimes. A secondary response. Anger is something. Because something happened.

And I knew what I wanted to say. And I knew how I wanted to say it. And I knew what I wasn't going to say. And we went into the conversation. And the conversation. Could have. You had those moments. Where the person you're speaking to. Gets a little bit. Whatever it is. They kind of moved to that next level. Like this one guy was to 11. And they got to that next level. And I thought. Because I was prepared. Because I was careful.

I would like de-escalate. De-escalate. One of the things about. You know. Whether you're going to do a crisis situation. Or a hostage thing. You're always de-escalating. One of the best things you can do in conversations. Is as much as possible. Is de-escalate. But it was so interesting. At the end of the conversation. The person. Here's the payoff. The person says to me. Yeah. Well I feel like you do this. And they were right.

And all of a sudden. All my other arguments didn't matter anymore. Because I realized. If that was true. What they just said about me. And the way I act. And the way I do things. Then none of this matters. Because if I fix that. It's fixed. And I went like this. Like immediately. I went. You know what? You're totally right. Matter of fact. God had already shared it with me. A different way. Because usually he'll tell me things first.

And that's one of the best things about preparing. When you have anger. Sitting with God. Is God will share with you things. That when truth comes. You're willing to not run away from the truth. For like another two months. Until you figure it out. And I just said. You know what? You're right. I asked forgiveness. And it was done. I just knew I had nothing else to say. I have to say. That that being careful. And using that scripture.

That wisdom of scripture. To diagram what I actually wanted to say. To get a result of righteousness. Actually. And being willing. To say. Yeah. It was my fault. I want to say. If I hadn't done that. I tell you. I probably would have argued that point back. I'd probably still be in an argument. I'd be. Well let's get together in two weeks. And talk about it again. But it's done. Not only is it done. I feel like I'm moving towards a better person.

There's four R's. And the first one. Like I said. Is repentance. Next is reconciliation. And then redemption. And renewal. Cain's anger. Killed his brother. Jesus' anger. Cleared a temple. God's anger created a plan of redemption. From eternal consequence. God still allows us to have consequence. But not eternal consequence. Because God. When there was a crossroads of anger. Is always wanting to move towards reconciliation.

Now what about your anger? What's the point of your anger? For Absalom. As we're going to see in a moment. The point of his anger. Was to get even. The point of his anger. Was to take out. To follow through. As the judge and the jury. When you have anger. What are you trying to do? Are you seeking reconciliation? This is the deal. You know what's so interesting about God? When God had righteous anger. Which is the ability.

The right reason. And if there. Look. If there's child trafficking. We have a right to be upset about that. There are things. If someone says something to you. That is. For whatever reason. And it's untrue. We have a right to be angry. And it's okay. But we don't want to sin. As it says in James. In our anger. But when somebody says something to you. Do we have a plan of reconciliation? Do we have a plan to move forward?

And is that the first thing that you think? Or do you think about getting back? Both Absalom. Both Absalom and David were furious men of war. Each had a cause to be angry. We've spoken about that. Now here's the thing. What Absalom believed about their anger. And this is a really good question for you. What do you believe about your anger? Your anger will always try to convince you. That it's justified. It will take as much as you give it.

And it will take and allow. As much as you allow for it. If your anger takes you to murder. It will cheer you on the entire way. I found that with my addiction. If my addiction. If I wanted to take it. To passing out on the floor. Which at the end of my drinking career. Was happening on a regular basis. Waking up and not knowing where I was. That's not a great place to be. My addiction was going to allow me to get there.

And it wasn't going to say. Whoa. Slow down big boy. We don't want to take this too far. It was always there cheering me. Anger is the same way. Now God's anger with Jesus on the cross. God had a right to be angry. But instead of fulfilling his anger. Which was already present. Because as soon as humankind sinned. They were destined to be separated from God. That had already happened. God took the consequence upon himself.

When God dealt with his anger. He didn't cause a curse to fall upon people. They stepped into a curse. People misunderstand. That there was a curse. You step. When you leave God. You step into a curse. By your own decision. But God decided to take the anger on himself. And actually become the solution to the anger. So that we could be freed. All his wrath was poured out upon whom? Jesus. His son on the cross. And who suffered most for that?

Was it Jesus? Perhaps. Maybe with the pain. But imagine if you have a father watching that happen to your child. Would you not change places with them? This is how God deals with his anger. Now once again. The scripture turns inward. And looks at us as a mirror. And asks us. How do you deal with your anger? Do you have anger? And have you dealt with your anger? And anger will not resolve itself. Look at the next verse.

There was a. I said Absalom believed his anger had cause to be judge, jury, and executioner. So anger will try to convince you to have a cause. It will try to convince you and believe that somebody deserves something. The mature Christian. The mature Christ follower in his anger. Her anger. Finds cause to what? Pray. Finds cause to humble themselves before God. Finds cause to let God work out the consequences. I'm going to say if you go for consequences.

If you go yourself. And do things in your own power. You're going to get you results. You're going to get Tim results. You're going to get Laura results. You're going to get Tony results. You're going to get Adam results. But if you want God's results. The results that propel you into a fruition of life. And produces righteousness in life. Then you want to step back. There are times where people need to be punished for their anger.

That's why we have a judicial system in these different things. But in your own personal anger. Where can you allow? Where can you allow yourself to forgive? You can forgive and still call the police. FYI. You can forgive and still say. We can't. I don't want to be in relationship with you anymore. You can completely forgive and set up boundaries. There is no. There is no problem with setting up boundaries. And boundaries of love.

To say this doesn't work for me. Maybe in the future it might. But this doesn't work for me now. We want to make sure that we're being safe as well. And not being abuse victims. That allow people in the name of forgiveness. To continue to abuse us. There was an assassination plot. And we see that Absalom. We believe that he was actually trying to kill David here. He actually invited David. And I believe all the sons to this party.

He knew that if he could kill David. Because he's very angry. David has not said anything to Amnon. David has not had Amnon pay any justice. For raping Absalom's full sister. Which was actually David's daughter. And Amnon's half sister. That's crazy. It says David was furious. But he did nothing about it. How do you do nothing about it? How do you allow that type of injustice in your own family. And do nothing about it?

One reason is because you don't have the tools. You've never learned how to deal with things like that. And because he was in a position to do nothing about it. But there were other times where David wanted to strike. But when his own family. He couldn't even give a word of correction. But he had all this anger. And it said that David was furious. Matter of fact. Even after Absalom killed Amnon. His brother. David never wept.

It never talks about any remorse over Amnon. He probably felt that he deserved it. Because he was furious. He never said anything. But he had this weird relationship with Absalom. That we'll see later on. Where he couldn't let Absalom go. Even when Absalom really tried to kill him. And take the kingdom. David was always weeping over Absalom. And the men that were protecting David are like. Bro. This guy's trying to kill you.

Will you stop crying? We're here to help save you. And then when they were fighting against him later on. As you'll see. David says to Joab and his commanders. Take it easy on Absalom. Don't hurt him. And when Absalom sees him in a tree. Absalom's like. No way dude. You're trying to take the kingdom. And Absalom. Excuse me. Joab I mean. Joab was the general. He was a Zionist. This guy loved Israel. And he was very faithful to David.

In so many ways. He basically went and took Absalom's life. As he was hanging by his hair in the tree. And David was so upset about this. David never spoke this word. He didn't have the ability to bring anything into the light. Because he didn't have it in his own life. Growing up. But there was an assassination afoot. Verse 24. Absalom went to the king and said. Your servant has had shears come. Will the king and his attendants join me?

So he wants the king to come. Because he knows. He doesn't have to worry about Amnon. If he kills David. Because if David's dead. Then he can take care of Absalom. And all the. Amnon. Excuse me. I'm getting all the names messed up. He can take care of his brother. Once he is king. And we know that he is set already. On taking the kingdom. Look in verse 28. Absalom ordered his men. Listen. When Amnon is in high spirits.

From drinking his wine. And I say to you. Strike Amnon down. Then kill him. Don't be afraid. Haven't I given you this order. Be strong and brave. Yeah. Killing the king's son is a big deal. And you can see that Amnon. Absalom's anger. Is so frustrated. Against his brother Amnon. That he's willing to take that risk. He's willing to lose everything. To avenge his anger. Does that sound familiar? Are you. How much are you willing to lose.

By not dealing with your anger. How much are you willing to lose. By allowing your anger. To have full vent. Something I'm really working on. Lately. I realize that. Just because I haven't been a rager. I've had a couple moments. Where I've gotten super angry. Just because I haven't been a rager. Doesn't mean that I don't have angry. I'm not angry. And I've always thought for a long time. I just don't really have anger.

I don't have a lot of anger. But lately. I think God. As things. As you heal other things in your life. The waters get less muddy. And God's like. Well now we can deal with this. I don't know if you've noticed that. It's the best thing. And the worst thing. Like you get to a place. You're like. Yeah. I'm feeling it. God. This is solid. And then he's like. Oh. What about this canker sore over here? You're like. Oh. You know.

Like we've got to take care of that. These things that slowly. You're beginning to see. And begin to work on. And so. David had never worked on it. And the question is. Are we willing to work on it? David. Absalom believed that he had cause. But David. If you look on the next part of your notes. Believe that his debts. The ones that are owed to his anger. Would be sorted out by God. Now when David was angry at Goliath.

He said. Who is. One of my favorite verses in the Bible. Who is this uncircumcised Philistine. Who taunts the armies of the living God. It's such a cool thing to say at 13 years old. It's a weird thing to say at 13 years old. But nonetheless. Why was he angry? Because you insulted what? Him? Personally? Because he was throwing insults. He called him a dog. David. Goliath called David all these names. Had all these insults.

But why was he mad? He wasn't avenging himself. He said. You have insulted the armies of the living God. When someone insults you. Why should you be upset? Because they insulted you? Or because they've insulted a child of God. And God says something different about you. I think one of the great reasons to be upset. Is to say. You know. That's not true. My God has said this about me. My God has told me this. And you. You know.

And you were speaking against who God says I am. And I want you to know. No I'm angry. One of the things we're really working on in our family. Is the ability to know when you're hurt. And the ability to voice it. And say that hurt. Ouch. You know the problem with lepers? They don't know when they've been hurt. Why do their hands fall off? Because they hit them over and over. As the nerve endings die. And over and over again.

They have a thing called. CBCs in that community. Called constant body checks. Where you're constantly looking at your body. To see if you've been hurt. I'm not saying we get overly neurotic. About checking all of our wounds. But do you know you've been hurt? One of the most healthy tools that is coming on to our family. My wife has really let it in. To the family. Is the ability to say. Hey that really made me upset.

And I need to go away for a few hours. But we are going to talk about this later. As opposed to just getting quiet. Or doing the whole. Like letting it. Like everyone knows you're angry. But you haven't said you're angry. That's so annoying. Right. And I'm really good at it. Like I'm working really hard. Not like cleaning the house super hard. You know what I mean. Or it's crud. It's just stupid. It's so immature. And idiotic.

And more and more I just think. Do I want to be healthy? Or do I want to be an idiot? You know. Run around the house. Slam the door. Oh dad must be mad. Everyone. Everyone in the house knows that dad's mad. Ooh. Can we stop doing that? Can we just say. You know what. I'm mad. And you know. And then have people that say. Hey I just want to validate. That that's okay. And then they say. Well you know what. We're going to talk about it on Wednesday.

Like sometimes we get something in our marriage. And we'll say like. When's the next counseling appointment? We go back once a month. To Corrine. Who is one of our church marriage and family counselors. And we just say. Hey we'll deal with that on. You know. We know. We put it on the calendar. And then we can live for like two weeks. Without having to be angry for two weeks. Like I'm tired of anger. Or whatever. Or upsetness.

Stealing from my family. The enemy comes to rob. Steal and destroy. And if he can take 24 hours away. From you having an emotional connectedness to your children. Because you're angry. And you can't deal with it. He loves it. He'll take a whole childhood if you give it to him. He'll take a whole family. He'll take as much as you want. Because you know what. He's greedy for your life. He's greedy. And unless you stand up and put a line in the sand.

And say no more. I'm going to deal with this crud. And no longer. You know. And quit validating. Because we. A lot of things with anger. We love anger. Because it makes us feel righteous. Gives you a reason. When I do weddings for people. I often say to them. Is there a person in your family. Who's looking for a stage. Because. Dysfunctional family members. Especially addicted. Dysfunctional family members. Oftentimes.

Love the stage of a wedding. They can tell you. They're not coming. The day before. They can show up. Maybe you've seen these weddings. And there's just one person. Who wants to have a stage. Because it gives them a reason. You know. When Jesus becomes our reason. We don't need to hold on to anger. And other things. To be our reason. What have you allowed. To be your reason. Depression is very difficult. Anxiety is very difficult.

And I believe. That there are some of us. That choose things like that. Because it gives us a reason. Not everybody. Now please. Do not hear me say that. And people are working desperately. But are you. For anger. Does anger give you a reason? Do you get to be the most powerful person in the house? Is mom's silence. The most powerful thing in the house? God forbid mom's silent for two days. Are we going to work through that?

This is what David had in his house. This is why his family was destroyed. We want to have lives that are not destroyed. To bring things into the light. And to work on our stuff. Coming in for a landing. David believed that his debts owed to his anger would be sorted out by God. In 1 Samuel 26.9. But David said to Abishai. Talking about Saul. Who was trying to kill him. And David had to write. But David said to Abishai.

Don't destroy him. Who can lay a hand on the Lord's anointed? And be guiltless. This is something that David knew. He would never lay a hand on the Lord's anointed. He would never take a step out. To do something that he shouldn't do. That was under God's control. This is one of the reasons that David had a heart. After God. Is he would never do something. That where he becomes God. This is what anger does. Anger will tempt you to become God.

Anger allows you to become a demagogue. Anger allows you to be the judge. The jury. And the executioner. To move on. And say that God. I don't need you in this situation. I want my results. I got to tell you. It feels really good to be God. Anger actually can feel really, really good. I mean that's why people. Some people just live in rage. There is a high to it. There is a self-righteousness. That comes with that over and over again.

That needs to be resolved. Because in the end. The person that it's killing is themselves. Anger will take as much as you've given it. And then the final thing is. Ephesians 4 gives us a picture of healthy anger. And this is really powerful. In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down. While you are still angry. And do not give the devil a foothold. The devil wants a foothold. On the castle of your life. So they can get over and pillage the city of your life.

And steal everything that you have. You might think that you have anger under control. You don't. You cannot control anger unless you deal with it. Anger needs to be brought to the foot of the cross. To a God who solved anger. Do you know that God solved anger? It says all the anger. All the frustration. All the sin. All that went to Jesus. And it found solution. It found a perfect pH balance. At the foot of the cross.

God has resolved for anyone who comes to Jesus. Under the blood of Jesus. To step out from the wrath of God. What can you add to God's anger? What good is your wrath? Compared to God's. And God has solved his. And he has forgiven you. And forgiven me through the blood of Jesus. At the foot of the cross. Of all that anger. And all those things. We want to take our anger. And work with it. Now look. I'm not telling you a bumper sticker solution.

Like hey. You know. Get over it. Like forgive them tomorrow. And move on. This might take decades. Some of us have stuff. That's going to take a long time. But we need to at least know where the city is. And begin to move towards it. When we were in Israel. We were way up in Sea of Tiberias. And I was thinking. It's a long. It's like an hour and a half. Two hour drive. In the car. To get to Jerusalem. And then I would read these scriptures.

And be like. Well. Jesus went from Tiberias to Jerusalem. And then when he was in Jerusalem. I'd be like. You know. Like he just like flew there. You know. I really. It is a long journey. The last thing about Jesus. The last thing about Jesus. He always knew where he was going. Yeah. That's a good question. Do you know where you're going? Are you just letting it drive. You know. Drive the car. Here anger. Drive the car.

Where do you want to take me today? Woo. You know. Like the crazy uncle at Thanksgiving. You know what I mean. Just whatever is going to happen. Is going to happen. Or are you in charge of your life? We want to have an emotionally healthy church. One of the things that I appreciate. John came up. Larry. Excuse me. Larry came up to me today. Earlier. And he said. Man. I can just feel the health in your church. And as a.

As a. Leadership board. One of the things that we're working on. In our. Who we are as a church. We would. We just want to be an emotionally healthy church. We want a church. That just can speak truth. Can speak truth to us. Can speak truth to culture. Can speak truth to power. Can speak truth to our kids. And we have children. That can speak truth to us. As parents. I want to say. One of the best models. To know. If you have a healthy family.

Is if small children. Can come to you. And tell you. When you hurt their feelings. Where they don't feel terrified. Where your children can come to you. And say that hurt. Is there. You know. Or. You know. I'm upset with you dad. That was not on the table. In the 1970s. FYI. It's FYI. Final verse here. Ephesians. 4. 31 and 32. Get rid of all bitterness. Rage. And anger. Brawling and slander. Along with every form of malice.

Be kind and compassionate to one another. Forgiving each other. Just as Christ forgave you. Dealing with our anger. Three things. Discover the root of your anger. If you don't hear our anger. Go spend some time on it. Go ask the question. Am I angry? Some of you might not feel angry. But you should still ask your question. The question. Do I feel angry? Next is. Ask God to help heal the root of your anger. He's a great.

He loves to get under the hood. Of your anger. And third is. Forgive. Begin to walk home. On a road of forgiveness. Have the band come forward. And sing us a song. If you'd stand. Let's lean into this today. And then I'm going to bless you. Before we go to our oatmeal Sunday. But lean into this song. And if God has spoken to you. Begin to ask God to touch you. As we sing. So maybe today. You're thinking to yourself. I'm just tired of having.

A thief live in my house. Wouldn't they? I want to change. You need that change today. Come forward. And get some prayer. We're going to have our prayer team. Come forward. We want to see you move. To a new level. And a new place. To not let the devil. Steal any more relationships. From your children. Or your family. You have the courage. To look at things. That might be very painful. So we can move on. And that anger.

Can be turned inside out. And that depression. Can be turned inside out. You can walk free. We want to see that. At this place. If you extend your hands. I want to bless you. Lord Jesus. I bless these people. We thank you for them. I'm so thankful. That this church is thriving on this corner God. And you have brought in. Your spirit. People like Larry God. And Mike. That can help bring the spirit of God. In such a beautiful way today.

And I bless these people God. With conviction. And the ability God. To stand at that crossroads. And say. I want righteousness. I don't want my own results. I want God's righteousness. And I want to turn my anger. Into a factory for God's righteousness. That it would be godly anger. Not human anger. Lord God. And you would bless it. In such a powerful way God. To bring reconciliation. To these families. To hope on these families.

God. People that are angry with you God. That they can tell you. I'm angry. I'm angry that I lost that person. I'm angry that you've allowed this. I'm angry. Had enough. Others that have been seriously abused. That can start walking. At least they know where they're heading. Back to Jerusalem. Back to home. Jesus. You will walk every foot. Step with them God. Through the valleys. Through the hills. And speak to them.

Like on the road to Emmaus. And God. That you would speak to these people. That you will meet them with your wounds. And by your wounds. We are healed. And by your anger God. We are absolved. So Jesus. I bless them with joy. And peace. And hope. And a week. God. That they have spring in their step. And a week that they've never. Like they've never seen before God. Of hope and joy. And grace. And we send you out now. In the name of the Father.

The Son. And the Holy Spirit. Amen. Amen.