JUN 26 2016

Sea Change Church · Dr. Edith Eger · June 26, 2016
Automated transcript. Not reviewed for accuracy.

If I speak with the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries, have all knowledge and have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I'm nothing. And if I give all I possess to the poor, give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

You see, love is patient. Love is kind. It doesn't envy. It doesn't boast. It is not proud. It does not dishonor others. It's not self-seeking. It's not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease, and where there are tongues, they will be stilled, and where there's knowledge, it'll pass away.

For we know in part, and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what in part disappears? And when I was a child, I talked as a child, and I thought like a child. I reasoned like a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish ways behind me, and childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection, as in a mirror, and then we shall see face to face.

Now I know in part, then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain, faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love. Hey, we are just so honored today to have Dr. Edith Eager here among us. When I had lunch with her, I think you said something, I'm going to paraphrase, something like the way you live your life in celebration is like your revenge against Hitler.

It was something close to that. That's your revenge, how you celebrate life and have joy. Anyway, wow, the story is amazing. I don't know how much you're going to share, but I know that you were left for dead in the camp, and some American service people came. And as you told me, an African-American service man came and found you with a group of others that were left dead, and they thought you were dead.

And he fed you M&Ms, I think you said. M&Ms. And you looked up, yeah. And you looked up, she said you'd never seen an African-American or a black man ever in your life. And I just love the justice of that. It's so amazing. I'm going to stop talking. Let's welcome Dr. Eager up to share with us about hope and faith and celebration. Love you. There you go.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, love. Conquer's over. You know, children don't do what we say. They do what they see. Words can be very cheap commodities. People say, I believe, I believe, I believe. I want to know what kind of life you lead. Show me. And for you to be here this morning, especially the young people, because you are the future. You are the ambassadors for love and for peace.

And yes, I too have a dream that someday people are going to get together as you get together this morning. I've never been to a friendlier church. I'm telling you, this is an amazing place to come here Sunday morning. It's like rebirth. It's like renaissance. Renaissance. But you see, we are precious. We're precious. You don't have any fears. We are just so precious when we are babies.

And then the parents come and show us what we should do or not do. And don't do this and don'ts and no's. I am for the do's and the yes's. Yes, I am. Yes, I can. Yes, I will be a survivor and not a victim. I was victimized. That was done to me. It's not who I am. When I began to work with couples, because I'm a former dancer, I went to my supervisor.

And because I love to do my choreography, I still do. I work with couples and families. And so he asked me, Edie, how are you doing with couples? And I said, Tony, couples talk to me about sex, money, and in-laws. He says, so what's your problem? I said, my problem is that I met my husband in a TB hospital, and I was 17 years old. And I'm married now, 20-odd years, and I have three children, and I have a code that says, Dr. Eger, Department of Psychiatry, and I know nothing about sex.

That's my problem. He says, well, let me send you to Master St. Johnson. And I became a diplomat in sexology. And many people call me Dr. Ruth. Some people call me a cross between Dr. Ruth and Joan Rivers, because Joan Rivers will tell you to grow up. But I'm not Dr. Ruth. She's very funny. I think sexual problems many times are due to spiritual bankruptcy.

It's not who puts what where. Your peace is fit. But you see the difference between a child and an adult. That when I ask a child, why do you do that, the kid would say, because I feel like it. As an adult, we still feel like it. But we don't act upon it unless it is in our best interest. And we call it in the church temptation. And God gave it to us.

Why? So we can practice the freedom of choice. When I see a 56-year-old woman who tells me that she went to a bar and she picked up this guy. I'm not making it up. Believe me. I'm not that smart. And she tells me in a kind of a sudden accent. You know, Edie, I don't know what I got up in the morning. And I don't know where I was. And, you know, it wasn't me.

And I say very quietly, who was it? I think there is a difference between an adult and a child. And there's a difference between a man and a male. Because I work with better wives. I work with people who beat up their wives. And they call themselves men. No, men don't do that. Men don't do that. I do everything in my power that our children are going to be safe.

I work preventively. And this is the place to come every Sunday. So how can we turn life into a constant celebration? Thank you. Thank you, Pastor Adam, for being such a... I think I'm going to call you my hero. I'm really going to call you my hero, as I call PT and Dick. Thank you for coming to get me. Without you, I wouldn't be here today. That America has no room for fascism.

If they do have a dream that someday we're going to hold hand in hand and form a human family that we can finally, finally survive on this planet. How did I get here? It can only happen in America. I came to America in 1949. I married my husband. I met him in a TB hospital. And people ask me today, did you love your husband? I said, love. You see, we don't grieve over what happens.

We grieve over what didn't happen. I never had any teenage years. And when my granddaughter, Lindsay, was born, the pediatrician examined her and says to me, you know, this little girl is very flexible. She might become a ballerina. And I said, thank you, God. Now I can die. Now I have here three generations. And Lindsay did become a ballerina. And she went to bishop school.

And she came and wanted me to buy her a dress so she can go to her dance. And I did. And I went home. And out of the blue, I was crying. I didn't understand. The word understand is very academic. I never understand how Dr. Mengele grabbed me in Auschwitz when I was following my mother to the gas chamber and said, you're going to see your mother very soon.

She's just going to take a shower. And I lived with survivor's guilt and survivor's shame until I decided to go back to Auschwitz. So we'll talk about how to revisit the places where you've been. But again, when I came home and I started to cry, I didn't understand why am I crying. I just bought Lindsay a dress. I didn't cry because I bought a dress to Lindsay so she could go to the dance.

I cried because I never went to a dance. The past is in the present. And when you come to this church every Sunday and invite me, someone like me, and many people call me a spiritual middle life, you know, that you give birth to the you that was meant to be, to be free, to be free from shame and guilt. And that song was written for me from fear.

Fear and love does not coexist. When you have fear, you have no love. And neither does guilt. You know, with guilt, you don't have to come to me and sit on my couch for 20 years. No, what you need to say to yourself and come to this church every Sunday and say, if I knew then what I know now, I would have done things differently. I couldn't forgive myself that I survived.

I graduated with honors from the university in Texas. And I never showed up for my graduation because I said to myself, I'm too old. I'm too old. I should have done that 20 years ago. See, I didn't need a Hitler out there. I had one in me. Find that Nazi in you. Find the part in you. Find the part in you that doesn't allow you to be free. Because the biggest concentration camp is in your own mind.

And I'll show you today that the key is in your pocket. It's going to be in my book. But the opposite of depression is expression. And what comes out of your body doesn't make you ill. What stays in there does. And I had my secret. And I came to America penniless. By the way, I didn't realize that I married my husband because he gave me Hungarian salami and Swiss cheese.

And that is the truth. I didn't realize that I married a man whose family was one of the wealthiest in Czechoslovakia. So I go to this home. And this housekeeper meets me and doesn't allow me to go to the kitchen. Because I am the lady of the house. And I never learned how to cook until I came to America. But a communist came. And they confiscated the business.

And I'm a survivor. I don't say why. I say what now. They threw my husband in jail. I packed up. I took my precious little girl, a year and a half old, Marianne. Who is married today to Robert Engel, who got the Nobel Prize in economics. It's a little girl when I got pregnant. My daughter told me that I need an abortion because I'm too weak. Get a second opinion.

I told that man, I want to give life. I don't want to take away life. And my husband apologized in Czechoslovakia that I don't know how to talk to a doctor. Shh. Believe me. And my daughter is five, nine and a half and calls me a little mom. She's a brilliant child psychologist and has an office on Park Avenue in New York. So get a second opinion.

I'm for life. I'm for many, many things. I am for you. I want to be your good role model today. I want to give you an opportunity to choose to be a survivor and never a victim of anything. Because everything is temporary. Life is temporary. Auschwitz was temporary. And I kept my secret. And then my secret had me when I was taking care of two Vietnam veterans at the William Beaumont Army Medical Center.

And two paraplegics. And one of them, it's in one of my TED Talks. And one of them was in a fetal position. Why me? How could America do this to me? Cursing, cursing country, God, you name it. And conversely, the other one says to me, you know, Doc, it's very interesting that God gave me a second chance in life. I'm sitting in a wheelchair. But you know what?

I can see my children's eyes much closer. And I see the flowers closer. And I'm sitting there, you know, with a coat of Dr. Eager. And I feel like an imposter. Because I had a 16-year-old girl in me that I never shared with anyone. I presented an image of me, not the real me. That's why I talk about discovery rather than, you know, rather than recovery.

Discover that real you. Give birth to the you that was meant to be. To find your freedom. This morning, right here with me. As I tell you my story, you have yours. I was born into a very, very talented family. My sister, Clara, played the Mendelssohn Violin Concerto when she was five years old. And that was a hard act to follow. And I had another sister, Magda, who played the piano.

And my parents decided, if you can't see me in the back, I'll get up. Can I sit a little bit? And then I get up again. I have a bad case of scoliosis. Wow. Wow. So my parents decided it's really time for us to have a son. And guess what happened? I don't know how many of you feel that you should have been a boy and you're a girl and vice versa. You know, God give us just what we are going to be.

And accept that. Accept the you that is one of a kind. And one thing I came to celebrate today, that there will never be another you. Or you. Or you. If you leave this room, nobody ever can replace you. Please show up next Sunday here. I'm your ambassador here. And please give so children can go to the camp. Because we never regret what we give. And what we do is what we don't do.

That's what we don't do. So I came along. And not only that I came along, but I became cross-eyed when I was three years old. Some doctor came and put a needle in my ear. And my sisters, my sisters blindfolded me when they took me for a walk. So no one could see how ugly their sister is. And they told me I'm never going to find a husband. And they sang a song in Hungarian that I can sing to you even now that I remember that.

But you see, God put me in a family so I could spend more time alone. Everything happens for a greater good. I was painfully shy. And look at me today. So, I had no time to talk about the time when my mother looked at me and said, I'm so glad you have brains because you have no looks. Yeah, so I went to a school. And I learned how to speak French and English.

And I studied Latin and Greek. And I came to America penniless. And I graduated with honors because I had that background. So, I grew up at the age of 10. My mother took me to Budapest. And I had surgery. And you can see, I had a very successful surgery because it was the first one without anesthetics. People were holding me down and screaming. But it was very successful.

And then I began to bloom and bloom. And I had a boyfriend, Eric. And we had our own book club. I was very, very erudite. I studied the interpretation of dreams by Freud when I was 14. And at the age of 16, my boyfriend gave me 16 beautiful red flowers. And I got my kiss. That's all we did those days. And he told me, we don't know what will happen.

And we don't know what's going on. I will never forget your eyes and your hands. And when I was put in a car. In the 1st of May, 1944. I was there with my mom, my dad, my sister Magda. But Sister Clara was the only Jewish girl accepted at the Music Conservatory in Budapest. And her Christian professor, I differentiate between Christian and Christ-like.

The Christ-like, like Corrie Tim Boone, raised their lives. And many, many others. That I know that you would be those kinds of people who raised their lives to save others. Those are my heroes. That man, Barbara, went and rescued my sister Clara. And hid her until the end of the war. In the cattle car, my mom held me. And when I speak at the church, I usually talk about mom quite a bit.

And also ask you to be a good mama to yourself. Never put yourself down. God doesn't want you to do that. But my mom held me and said, we don't know where we're going. We don't know what's going to happen. Just remember, no one can take away from you what you put here in your head. And that's what I tell children in school. To stay in school. Because that's what got me where I am today.

And my mom was right. Everything was taken away from you. Accept my mind. And accept a sister. So when I arrived, May 22nd, it's documented by the Red Cross. 1944, at the end of the line was Dr. Mengele. I didn't know who he was. But he pointed my mom to go to the left and my sister to the right. And I followed my mom. And he grabbed me. He grabbed me.

Never forget that eye. I pay a lot of attention to eye contact. I can kill you with my eyes. And I can love you with my eyes. So take your temperature several times a day. Whether you want to be really cold and stiff or soft and warm. You have the choice. You have the choice. My wonderful mentor and friend and colleague, Dr. Victor Franco, who I worked with for many, many years.

I'm a diplomat in logotherapy. Said, and I quote, Everything can be taken away from a human being except the last freedom. The freedom to choose your attitude. It's not what happens. It's what you do with it. And not to react. Because when you react, you don't hit. You know, you just shoot from the hip. That's why I guide my clients, my patients, how to respond.

That you can't change the outer environment. But you can choose to look at the most obnoxious person as your teacher. And this is what happened to me when a 14-year-old boy came in. And he told me he's a boot boy. And I didn't know what he was talking about. And he was wearing a pair of brown boots. And then he put his elbow on my desk. And he said, Hey, doc.

It's time for America to be white again. And I'm going to kill all the Jews. All the, use the N-word. All the Jews. All the N-word. All the Mexicans. It was in Texas. And Mexicans. And all the Chincos. Now, if I would have reacted. I would have gotten up and say, Hey, you snipper snapper. Who do you think you're talking to? You know, I saw my mother going to a gas chamber.

But you know, God works in amazing ways. I didn't get it, you know. What is going on? So I talked to God. I always talked to God in Auschwitz. I found God. And I think Jesus said that so beautifully. That the kingdom of God is in me. I love that. Shall I tell you what I like about Jesus? What I like about Jesus, who was an ordained rabbi, and I'm very happy that you're teaching, you know, the originals.

Wonderful. Thank you so much. He told us, Love thy neighbor as thyself. Huh? How can I give you what I don't have? It's impossible. Self-love is self-care. It's not narcissistic. Selfish people don't like themselves. What else I like about Jesus, that he knew how to talk to people in their language. This is a precious mom of Pastor Adam. Everybody knows her.

Get up, honey. Everybody knows. Yes. Wonderful mommy. He knew how to speak in a language. Because if I would talk to you now in Hungarian, very brilliantly, any Hungarians here? No. So you speak the language. He knew how to speak the language of the people in parables, in whatever it took. But what I really most like is when he said to turn the other cheek, he said, look at the same thing from a different perspective.

And I'm going to give you a different perspective of Auschwitz as a classroom and what I found within when nothing came from without. Dependency breeds depression. If you wait for someone else to make you happy, just keep waiting. You've got to show up. You have to come here. Do you have a good singles club here? Start one. Start one. I send you a lot of people.

A lot of people. Shh. Shh. Especially in midlife. There's no fool like an old fool, you know, when an old man looking for a younger woman and then he ends up taking care of her because she's the one who has a migraine headaches and I'm talking about my patients. I'm not making it up. Find someone who can be your soulmate. Find someone whose spirit matches with you.

I don't have much time, right? Okay. So let me tell you a little bit about what happened when Dr. Mengele showed me to the other side. I ended up in a place called Birkenau for women. So I asked one of the inmates when will I see my mother. She pointed at the chimney and said, your mother is burning there. You better talk about her in past tense. So the question I ask you today, I like to bring her there and then to the here and now.

Because what happened is not important. It's, you know, what I did with that. And showing you how age is not an issue. I feel younger now at 88. Hungarian women, my sister still lies about her age. and she's, she's, she tells you she's 91 and she's 94. I don't know why that makes, makes a difference. Anyway, so, I have a reputation that I make people cry and laugh at the same time.

So you're a very good audience you're doing that. And so, well, my sister, Magda, hugged me and said, the spirit never dies. And that's what I remember that happened on May 22nd, 1944. We were completely shaved, completely shaved. Magda, who left the house that her hair would not, God forbid, move, stood there in her naked neck, her hair in her palm, asking me, how do I look?

It's a typical Hungarian question. Hungarian women are very vain. And I had a choice, as you have a choice now, whether you pay attention to what you lost or find something that is still here. and instead of telling her how she really looked, kind of like a naked little dog, I said to myself, Magda, you have beautiful eyes and you know what? I didn't see it when you had your hair all over the place.

And she says, thank you. You see, find some criticism, no such thing as positive criticism. A criticism is a criticism. And the way you do that in the English language, which you say, you're such a pretty girl, but you're a little fat and a little pimply. So give me the but and I give you an and. Yes, and. Yes, and. Furthermore, yes, but. Yes, but. Cancels everything you said before the but.

Okay. And then you really say what you really want to say. So Auschwitz was hair. It was hair because we never knew what's going to happen next. There is a difference between stress and distress. Stress is, you know, Hansel, he got the Nobel Prize that anything stressful that comes to you, you have two automatic responses. You either fight or flee. I'm sure you studied that in school.

But in Auschwitz, I couldn't find because if I would have fought many days, they got shot right away. And there were others who. Who. Went to the. Went. and. Touched the board wires wanted to escape and they got electrocuted. And yes, I saw the blue body. So today I tell people if you can't fight or flee, learn how to flow. Because we all have low frustration tolerance level.

So I tell children about the bullies. In the English language, when someone is angry, they're going to hear the word you. You know, you give me a headache and you're the one who is making me angry. No, you don't make me angry. You have as much power over you as I allow you to have. So I want you to regain your strength to choose the way you respond. And if someone tells you that you are a dummy or whatever, you say to yourself, oh, my school room is in session and I'm going to practice my low frustration tolerance level and the longer they talk, the more relaxed I become.

You take the negative, turn it into positive. I was told in Auschwitz, I'm never, ever going to get out of here alive. And I decided that they were the prisoners, not me. I started to pray. Not for me. That's how powerful prayer is. that I had my God within me. And I said to myself, if I survive today, tomorrow I'll be free and I'm going to see Eric and I'm going to show him my eyes because they could send me to the gas chamber any minute.

They could have beaten me and they did and tortured me. but they could never, ever murder the spirit that I bring you today. I stood in line to get my tattoo. I didn't get it. I said, how come? I was told I'm going to the gas chamber. On the way to the gas chamber, my sister is in one arm in the other. I knew we had to be together. Survivors are quick decision makers.

No time to contemplate on your neighbor. And I looked at the garden. I began to do some cartwheels and back there was with me. And I was out of Auschwitz in December 1944. I became a slave laborer. We were bombed many times. I ended up in a village in April 1945. because as you came from one end and the Russians came from another and we were evacuated, evacuating.

We were told if we leave the premises we're going to be shot right away. I didn't pay any attention to it because my sister told me if I don't get some food she's going to die. And I went outside and I saw some carrots in the next garden. I paid no attention to someone else's property. And I stole the carrots and I came back and I met the guy with a gun. I never had a gun in my life.

And I heard the clicking about three times and again I prayed not for me. I prayed for him so he won't shoot me. And for a moment I could see that he changed because he looked at me. I don't know if you had a German father that could kill. And he looked at me like a father who's going to teach me a lesson and he turned the gun around and he pushed me inside. I do get a lot of physical therapy.

And I went to a chiropractor yesterday who's wonderful who tests whatever you're taking whether it agrees with you or not. And I'm taking a lot of supplements and half of it I need to throw it away because it's not good for me anymore. Don't spend so much money on your supplement. This is the best supplement that you can come to. And your self-dialogue please.

So the next day he came and wanted to know who dared to break the rules. I was afraid. So I crawled and told him it was me. He gave me a little loaf of bread and said you must not be hungry to do what you did. That's when the German people were starving. I found that angel. I found a good person. I wish I could meet that man today. Never ever give up hope. And then I ended up in a place called Mauthausen and I stood in front of the crematoria and God changed their mind and I survived what is called today the death march.

And in the death march when you stopped you were shot right away. and when I began to stop talking to God I don't think I don't think I can walk anymore. I forgot to tell you that when Dr. Mengele came to the barracks and wanted to know about the new comers who are the artistic ones my friends pushed me in front of Dr. Mengele and I danced for Dr. Mengele in Auschwitz and when I he was done with me and I prayed while I was doing that so he wouldn't send me to the gas chamber he gave me a piece of bread and I shared it with the girls.

when I was on my death march and my friends saw me slowing down he came they came excuse me and they formed a chair with their arms and they carried me so I wouldn't die. If you were just for the me me me you didn't make it and you come to this place and you hug each other and you feel the physical presence presence of this beautiful gentle giant I call him he is my gentle giant because I lost about six inches from my height because of my scoliosis.

I was introduced last time by by a wonderful pastor who said her her stature is small but her spirit is as big as the ocean and like that that's what I bring you today that that spirit that there is hope in hopelessness that there is a way for you to celebrate life as you come here and that we can really form a human family and survive finally finally on this planet I love you God bless you thank you applause applause applause applause thank you yay cp she wants you to come up dick can you come up dick can you come over hey well we've really been blessed today that was solid right and then applause just give us one second dr edith i'd like you to meet dick as well dick cotton was there day six hey um if uh applause i need one time cp come up would you somebody knows uh carol you know how to do it we're gonna take a picture uh you guys gonna indulge me for one second if you would and then i'm gonna here take here's my camera right here all right well thank you hey look dr eager is gonna be back tonight for 6 p.m so if you know somebody who needs to hear this message of hope i felt like i got a spiritual bath right i mean come on this is gonna be up online too come back tonight at six um dr eager i think you're gonna take her home but she'll be back tonight hey it is so good i just i was amazing it was so good to be here i love you i'm just gonna end the service uh we have food come eat with us if you can bless our kids one last thing um jeff rutgard who you heard speak about um doing the eye surgeries we have a missions if you want to hear a little bit about him what he's doing and our missions lunch go get some pizza and come over here bev is gonna run that kai's not in town but come check that out and hear about how to do that and be part of that so hey i love you awesome day right come back see you next week meet him meet meet meet meet meet meet meet meet meet meet meeting